Random thoughts

Hm.. was reading my own blog abt last year’s southampton trip.. just realised how much i’ve forgotten abt it.. it’s really a good trip with lots of nice ppl ard..

btw.. was reading newspaper before that.. and there are some articles that striked me.. first one is about how countries around the world are attracting foreign talent.. hm.. being a foreigner myself.. dunno la.. i mean, until now i still feel quite different. As in, i don’t think i’ll ever call any other place home nor can i sing other country’s national anthem with as much pride.

Talking about home… Indonesia might not be the most perfect place in the world.. far from perfect… it’s quite saddening how some people can live with all the convinience of modern technology, while some people in Nusa Tenggara is still striving to get clean water. I read this article in straits times few weeks ago, about how a japanese engineer is going ard the villages there to build some system so the villagers can get clean water.. And the irony is that right at the back of that page, there’s another story about how Singapore is building and getting a lot of money for technological advancement. Not very sure about the article.. but you get the idea la.. It’s quite amazing how different life can be in this so called "globalised" world. I dunno.. i just feel that sometimes ppl are just complaining so much. small examples will be students complaining about how sucky the school laptop is and the fact that the school’s projector is not working properly. I think the more you receive, the more you take things for granted.

My secondary school has 9 classrooms, 1 science lab, 1 computer lab with no internet access, a library with the size slightly bigger than a classroom and a basketball court which is also our assembly area. and that’s about it. oh and a language lab, for english. yeah.. but things were ok back then.. i think it’s all about making use of what you have… there’s not even a single projector in the school. and we’re using blackboards with chalk.

yeps. and btw, in the paper today, ppl are talking about why Indonesia doesn’t seem to be putting effort in stopping bird flu. but seriously. what do you want the government to do? telling ppl to cull all the chickens? they’ve already done that, but please, everyone who’s been to indo can tell you that those chickens are everywhere. And it’s a source of living for many. Who’s going to pay for them if you cull their chicken? or what else do you want them to eat? ppl can’t opt for pork… or you ask them to report to hospital when they show flu symptoms.. haha. how many percent actually afford to? is anyone going to pay for them? but the money is being used for the quake victims.. so… it’s quite saddening.. hope things are getting better FOR EVERYONE . someday it’ll happen..

have been sleeping a lot during e weekend.. but never feel that it’s enough.. haha.. dunno what’s wrong with me..

got so irritated today.. maybe it’s just me.. but i dunno la.. it’s just irritating.. i mean.. please.. haiz.. bet no one knows what i’m talking abt here.. so pls bear with me for a while if anyone bothers to read.. haha.. yeaps so basically i’m so irritated but i’m sort of stuck and can’t get a away from it.. i’m afraid that i won’t be able to stand it any longer and i might something.. haha.. yea right.. but yea i’m not looking forward for school sometimes because of this particular reason.. i can’t just ignore it just like that.. can someone please stop it.. i guess no one has ever tried to stop it, i dunno whether anyone dare to say that it’s irritating.. just can’t stand it sometimes.. arrgh!!!!! and that fact that i’m stuck!!!!

hm.. let’s move on…

i can’t sign in to msn.. so yeah…

maths test tml.. today got captain’s ball.. sorry, but some ppl just suck.. and the thing is, other ppl and themselves think that they’re good.. haha.. sorry this is my personal point of view.. sorry but yeah, some ppl are simply not blessed with the ability to play ball games.. not to say that i did much… but at least i know that i’m not that good..

tired.. i think i just want to sleep… i haven’t done PW..

realise lately i become unmotivated.. i sort of know why.. i guess because i’m not exactly happy with things..

so yeah… i suppose i have left all the idealism that i had..

i mean. i’d rather have the olive tree than a LEXUS..

i read this article about this guy who’s dying and he realised that he spent most of his life with ppl from his outer circle..

hm.. this has got nothing to do with anything.. but did i mention that i hate school? only one thing, or two, keep me going.

Well.. just had some thoughts and i thought i’ll try to organise my thoughts by writing it down…

1. Future

Had a talk with Adrian and Andre just now, and i’ve just realised that i have no idea what i want to do after JC. I used to think that i would like to go to medicine, and maybe i still do. But these past few weeks, esp after ct, I just feel that school is getting more and more dry (not to mention that i currently not motivated to do any school work and don’t find interest in any of my subject, not even bio). so i really don’t know whether i can take it if i have to study sciences for another 5-6 more years. True that being a doctor is really noble, but i don’t know whether that alone will be strong enough to motivate me.

Still there’s other thing i want to do, like Music! but once again.. who’s going to pay for me? oh i have no idea whether i can even get to a good conservatory.. someone who’s last qualification is grade 4 AMEB and grade 5 Royal theory doesn’t really stand a chance compared to those ppl who completed their grade 8 when they’re sec 3 right.. And yeah, i really regretted the fact that i didn’t try hard enough to continue my music lessons 2 years back. i didn’t want to regret it again, but i really have no idea whether it’s a road worth taking.

2. Child Idealism

Oh, how i hope everyone, or at least myself, can stay as a child forever. As people grow up, we realise that there are so many gray areas in ther world, and i don’t like it. But it’s just something that ou have to live with. That’s another thing about the world.. Everyone is just going to say, that’s they way it is, you just have to live with it. Fairness, equality, truth, love, friendship… and dreams. Is it really there? as I grow older, i find it harder and harder to actually believe, instead i become more sceptical about things. I really hope that i can find what i’ve forgotten. was just reading "To Kill a Mockingbird". It’s really sad how adults can easily forget that there are things like love and compassion in this world.

Not saying that there is no truth and equality in today’s world, but this is really an issue that might never be resolved. Things like prejudice and hatred. If only every world leader meets his/her fiver years old grandchildren/relatives everyday, i’m pretty sure that the world will be a better place for everyone. I dunno la.. i think adults complicate matters by thinking too much. We all should remember that a child’s simple way of thinking and ther innocence might be the best solution. Provided all children have Jem’s and Scout’s ideals though..

3. Ambition

Well, this is one thing i really don’t understand. Sometimes it helps to bring you further in life, sometimes it just makes you lose everything you have. Maybe not that extreme. but yeah.

My point here is that, i don’t see why everyone has to strive to be the best. One starts of by getting to a top primary school, getting good grades for PSLE, go to top sec schools, go to top jc, take 2 S papers, and get an overseas scholarship. Then go back, employed by top companies, get to the top positions and makes lots of money. Right. so what’s e point of all that?

It’s not just about the money part la, it’s about being the best part. I’m sorry but really don’t see the point of being the best. Call me someone without ambition, but yeah.. I hate this whole idea of competing, striving towards excellence. i also never totally like meritocracy and pragmatism. Maybe that’s why i never like econs also. The sheer idea of profit maximising just turn me off.

I don’t think i should bother myself too much with other people’s ambition, because if they are happy doing it then it’s their own choice. I just cannot stand how society prefers ppl with better qualifications and more achievements. I mean, does it mean that the PSC scholars are better people compared to those workers who graduated from Normal Tech course?

oh man, this is bad. The more i think abt it, the more confused i get. shall continue later.

today’s horoscope..

In Detail
This is the perfect day to tear down the walls you have put up between your inner self and the outside world. Nothing can harm you right now — there is an aura of positive energy and confidence growing inside you that can’t be denied. By opening yourself up to foreign ideas, you will be able to integrate more of these powerful forces into your everyday attitude. So act a more aggressively — smile at that person you’ve been wanting to smile at, make a bold suggestion and see what happens.

hm.. dun really get it.. what “powerful forces” are they talking about.. but the last sentence.. be more aggressive.. hahaha.. am not sure in the first place that i have “that person you’ve been wanting to smile at”… not to mention that i dun think i’ll ever make any “bold suggestion” to anyone.. and yeah.. i can’t really “see what happens” coz nothing going to happen… sad.. haha.. but anyway… dunno la..

MY LAPTOP is STUPID, here is why:
1. I can’t sign in to windows messenger.. tried to download other messenger but it doens’t work..
2. it didn’t come with microsoft office. lucky can borrow the cd.
3. IT CAN’T PLAY STRING THEORY DVD!!!!! i dun get the chance to sit down and watch everyday. now the thing doesn’t work.. it worked a bit ust now.. maybe shall just try later.. but am so sleepy now… dunno whether can wake up tml.. ppl are just gg to kill me if i dun come for meeting.