Tired. Tired of school.. these past few days have been going to school when it’s still dark, and go back when it’s already dark again.. i’m really sick of the school.. not that I dun like the school.. I just dun like spending so much time in school..
Currently I think I’m also tired of being a leader.. I’m just tired of having people to depend on me and having to be the one taking the initiative.. It’s nice to take care of others, to organize things, to coordinate ppl fot stuff, to motivate ppl.. but guess I’m just tired now.. can someone just organize something for me, or tell me what to do or motivate me instead? Come to think of it, I’ve never sat down and enjoy myself during any of the hostel formal dinner.. Neither have I sat down and play guitar during CCA this whole year… I can’t even wake up later than 7 on most Saturdays.. and Thursdays as well.. and almost all of the msg I get in my phone is telling me that I have a meeting or I’m supposed to do something.. and almost all msg I send is to tell ppl that there’ll be a meeting or they need to do something..
I know I complain a lot.. I know other ppl are doing the same things.. and I know if I want to do a lot of things I have to bear with the consequences.. but now I start to doubt myself.. I dunno whether I will be able to do all the things I want to do.. esp council… I dunno whether the sacrifice I have to make is worth the experience.. I’m really afraid I’ll have to sacrifice lots of my guitar practice.. and I can’t really afford to do that.. I suppose council is supposed to be your main CCA.. but I dunno whether I’m ready for that.. I still love guitar.. even though we dun even sound good.. haha.. I just hate it when I can’t make it for CCA.. And another thing, I’m not sure whether I’ll fit into council and I dunno whether I’ll enjoy it.. I really2 have this very very very big doubt now.. I used to have this very positive view abt council and had this idea in mind that they are v professional… which is true in some sense.. but not all.. no offense.. yea, so basically I have this big doubt and I dunno what to do about it..
Then on top of everything, there is still school work.. i’ll be glad if I can get a B for my chem test today.. I have my own goals and I want to achieve them.. but sometimes it’s just tiring.. sometimes I just want to complain.. and that’s what I’m doing now.. haha.. feel much better after reading all these things..
Aniwae… ppl are leaving the boarding school.. again.. as if this place isn’t dead enough.. I realize I really enjoy talking to them a lot.. Those are one of the most fun times I had lately.. not that I have so much time to talk to other ppl also.. somehow miss my friends.. miss all those late night talk.. bergila gila d malam hari.. haha.. and Saturday breakfast..
Still tired.. my mind just went numb and I can’t think of anything.. can’t be bothered to push myself up.. can someone push me?
